


81 social protips and things to live by: Jean Kirscthein

by wongfuavatar



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: I love you lownly, M/M, jean is a loser, like a drum, social protips from a giant dork, written in Jeans POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-02-03 21:49:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1757841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wongfuavatar/pseuds/wongfuavatar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lets say Jean tries to write his mental ‘social protips’ and notable mental quotes in order from chapter 1-6 of his POV of Like A Drum/ His Beating Heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	81 social protips and things to live by: Jean Kirscthein

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [His Beating Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/991680) by [Lownly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lownly/pseuds/Lownly). 



  1. No Homo solves almost everything.
  2. Scowl. It makes you look tough.
  3. Stare at them until they notice you.
  4. Borrow notes, it engages conversation (and you get notes that you didn’t care about)
  5. Study together. You learn a shit ton of important crap.
  6. Get sick. _It’s a test if they’ll help_. And you get help since you’re sick.
  7. Watch a scary movie, that’d make you manly. (only if you like scary movies, this is a tip I don’t really recommend)
  8. LOSE THE ROOMMATES. THEY ALWAYS FUCK THINGS UP.
  9. Get their number. You don’t _have_ to initiate it btw.
  10. Get him sick
  11. Don’t give into ‘:(‘s
  12. Swear. It helps a fucking lot.
  13. Compliment their poor apearance. It strengthens your little social activity.
  14. Jealousy is alright. Especially when its in comparison to your shitty state. _Lucky bastard._
  15. Bring more than what is asked, that’ll make you a great friend.
  16. Always prepare.
  17. If they put your ‘no homo’s against you, _fuck their no homos. You don’t deserve them._
  18. Remember, A LOT OF THINGS are bullshit.
  19. Don’t be afraid to ask for company. Especially after non-consensual scary movie hangouts.
  20. Offer video games. Video games are scientifically proven to strengthen friendships.
  21. Be careful what you say. A lot of things could be referenced. Expect Spongebob, princesses, and a shit ton of feminine teases.
  22. Wake them up and threaten them about the consequences if they don’t agree.
  23. Playfully call them names. Its fun.
  24. Remember: _It is possible to be best friends with someone._
  25. Find someone who doesn’t make you feel lonely. no homo
  26. Sleeping with your best friend isn’t gay. Its very platonic. All you do is sleep, nothing big. Take what you can get. Its only gay if you make it gay. Always keep protip 1 in mind.
  27. You don’t **always** have to be polite to him.
  28. You don’t **always** have to spell texts properly
  29. Find the perfect adjective in mind.
  30. BEAT UP WHOEVER HURTS BEST FRIEND. THEY HURT THEM, THEY DIE.
  31. FIND BETTER WAY TO BEAT THEM UP.
  32. FIND ACQUANTANCES WHO ARE STRONG TO BEAT THEM UP.
  33. Ooh make friends while beating them up. Score.
  34. Friendships get stronger after ass beatings.
  35. Don’t blush at compliments. It weakens your demeanor.
  36. If you’re uncomfortable- _Mission Abort._ You’ll have time to make an excuse anyway.
  37. Don’t panic, unless it’s called for. Then panic. Its cool, they shouldn’t judge (**results may vary).
  38. Parties can be fun (at least if your with your best friend)? (**UPDATE: CHOOSE YOUR PARTIES WISELY.)
  39. Get. Them. Wasted.
  40. Remind them frequently that you are very no homo.
  41. _Leave parties if ~~Jeager~~ someone you despise is there. Its for your own good._
  42. Fight them before leaving. _Unless the consequences are humiliating/ regretful/ or not worth it._
  43. Heart to heart conversations can be nice.
  44. When drunk/ tipsy, try your best not to sound homo. Its hard to shut up.
  45. Always remember: _If they’re drunk, don’t forget they’re drunk._
  46. Hangovers suck. Never forget.
  47. DO NOT GIVE IN TO WEAKNESSESS. ESPECIALLY GIRLY WEAKNESSESS LIKE TICKLING. IT MAY CAUSE STRADDLING AND UNECESSARRY BONERS.
  48. Close contact is alright. Again, its only gay if you make it gay, unless making things gay is your plan, _then make. it. **gay**._
  49. If you guys are tight enough, INVOLVE THEM WITH YOUR WARS.
  50. Do not fuck things up if you don’t have many friends.
  51. Avoid fights. Fights suck. Both sides.
  52. Don’t say things you don’t mean. It isn’t worth it.
  53. Ok, some acquaintances are helpful when you need them.
  54.  Apologize when you’re ready.
  55. KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR YOUR FRIEND AFTER A FIGHT. MAKE SURE THEY DON’T GET HOLD OF ALCOHOL.
  56. No homos don’t count if your best friend is drunk, sometimes, they are too homo to handle.
  57. When you apologize, do it as much as possible. Unless they tell you to stop.
  58. Once you guys made up, remember, everything is back to normal.
  59. Fuck your demeanor, be scared if they’re really your friend they’d accept you.
  60. Panicking is alright if they understand.
  61. Crying is cool. Oh, and don’t hurt yourself, they’ll be there for you.
  62. DO NOT TRUST “FRIENDS” WHO RUIN YOUR DAY AND KEEP SECRETS AND DO NOT GO TO PARTIES WITH THOSE “”FRIENDS”” IT IS NOT WORTH YOUR TIME.
  63. If you’re angry, don’t forget that your best friend is there for you.
  64. Remember protip 60, 61, and 62. You may need it a lot.
  65. Heart to heart conversations are _very_ alright.
  66. Your best friend will teach you things, and make you feel things.
  67. Love is a complicated thing. But, no homo right?
  68. Adding a ‘man’ after telling your best bro that you love him is guaranteed to remove any possible gay contained within that sentence.
  69. HEART TO HEARTS ARE VERY NICE. YOU LEARN THINGS YOU SHOULDVE FUCKING KNOWN.
  70. Parties are shit if you’re with shit people.
  71. Protip 1 can fail you. No homos aren’t for everything.
  72. Be careful what you say. Especially in front of your friends.
  73. DO NOT FIGHT. I REPEAT. DO NOT FIGHT.
  74. Protip 54 or not, if you fucked things up bigtime: _You better fucking apologize._
  75. Don’t force it. It won’t work.
  76. Being lonely fucking sucks. Always remember that when you fuck things up. Loneliness happens.
  77. Thinking about things are for losers. (**UPDATE: I am a pissed of college student, the past 2 protips are shitty.)
  78. Sleep it off.
  79. Wet dreams suck. Especially if you wet dream about your best friend.
  80. If you masturbate and you get caught. Threaten them. Do not let anyone else know at all costs.
  81. Im so fucking homo.




End file.
